Perfectionism was my Achilles heel. On the first day of my freshman year, I swore to myself that I wasn’t going to mess it up. I wasn’t going to let my grades drop, I was going to go above and beyond on every assignment. I was going to be even more ruthless than I was in middle school, where I used to write five pages for two page essays. I was going to get into a fantastic university, perhaps Caltech or Johns Hopkins or Stanford. Those grand ambitions would eventually be proven toxic and I would lose countless nights of sleep feeling like a failure because of my academic performance. It would eventually take a major drop in my grades, an eating disorder, and a really low point in my life for me to realize that perfectionism is a problem, not a goal to strive for.

I kept my grades up and put a lot of effort into my work throughout my freshman year, but at a terrible price. I had stopped going outside as much, because I always had some project to go above and beyond on. I had developed a stress eating habit, because I always needed more ‘fuel’ to work on my assignments. Finally, at the end of my freshman year, I realized that I had a problem. I had gained a lot of weight and my somewhat muscular body had turned to fat. That summer, I stopped eating as much and started exercising a lot more. By halfway through my sophomore year, I had lost fifteen pounds but the muscle really never came back. I kept losing weight, but unintentionally this time because my body wasn’t used to eating very much food. By the end of my sophomore year, I had lost almost 25 pounds and didn’t have enough energy to do much at all. My hair started falling out and I always felt light headed. My grades started to suffer and I got a B in a class (a college class!) for the first time ever, simply because I was too exhausted to do the homework. By the beginning of my junior year, I had a more constant weight and started having more energy to do homework. However, I overbooked myself with college classes and clubs because I wanted to stand out to big universities. I failed miserably. I got a C in a class that year, and most of my grades were failing throughout the semester until the end when I begged my professors to let me turn in all my late work. I got hit with crippling burnout and several bouts of depression. My world was crumbling around me; I was a failure. It took a long time for me to feel okay with myself again, but I eventually realized that the character of a human being is not measured by their grades, their weight, or by how perfect they seem. By putting all of my self worth into my gpa, I had reduced myself to a tiny little number that nobody will care about ten years from now.

Kihei Charter School is a public school of choice with a mission to educate students in both academic content and process skills through the use of project-based learning and authentic assessment. During my time here, I have mastered all of my 21st Century Skills through projects and assignments that have challenged me to think outside of the box and collaborate with others. From engaging my brain in eye opening college classes to working with others on group projects, I have learned to think critically, communicate effectively, and compromise when necessary. A STEM education augmented by rigorous college classes has taught me the importance of problem solving, but also the importance of asking for help when something is unclear. Finally, the emphasis on community service and civil engagement has taught me that the importance of being involved in my community and local government.

Despite my negative experiences with perfectionism, I still believe in the importance of setting manageable goals and chasing my dreams. However, this time I have learned to not beat myself up over changes in my path; after all, it’s the journey that shapes you more than the destination. I would like to major in Biomedical Engineering in college and obtain a Ph.D. I would also like to attend medical school and specialize in pathology. I hope to achieve this through an MD Ph.D program at a research university. After grad school, I want to combine my interests in engineering and medicine to create a biomedical technologies startup. After having a startup and other engineering experience, I would like to become a professor at a research university.